by Charleen Burghardt
Some people cry.
Some people don’t.
Some want to discuss their loss.
Others don’t know what to say.
Have you ever questioned whether you’re grieving in the “right way”?
Maybe you wondered because you cried more than you expected.
Grief may seem like uncharted territory.
You may wonder which direction to take.
Watching how someone else reacts to loss might make you reflect on how you respond.
From my own experiences with grief and years supporting grieving people as a chaplain, I’ve learned that there is no single correct way to grieve, and grief doesn’t follow a set pattern.
Anticipated passing
I expected my father to pass away because he was ill with kidney failure, yet when it happened, I experienced numbness and shock. A few months after his death, I attended a grief group, which supported me in understanding the grief process. I found that journaling my memories and sadness helped me work through my grief.
Unanticipated passing
The timing, reasons, and circumstances of our loved one’s death significantly affect how we grieve the loss. When death comes suddenly, we have no time to prepare, making the grief much more intense.
When my best friend passed away from cancer, I wept until I was completely drained of tears. I needed to talk and talk about what she meant to me and the memories. Tears seemed to release some of the pain, while talking aided in processing her loss.
I’ve been at the bedside of relatives who didn’t shed a tear, and I’ve been with a family who wept loudly, and some fainted. Some people show their emotions outwardly, and others don’t.
Each path is different.
I have discovered that every individual’s path through grief is distinct. It depends on our bond because, usually, the closer the bond, the more profound the grief journey might be. Our relationship with our loved one also plays a significant role. A person may grieve differently when they lose their mother and mourn differently when the loss is a spouse.
Our personalities differ.
Our personalities are another factor that makes our journey unique. If we are extroverted, we might need to express our feelings verbally. An introvert might prefer to come to terms with it quietly and gradually, without expressing emotion or discussing the loss.
A person’s age also shapes their grief journey. When an older person is ill for some time, we know there is a natural order to life, and their death may be anticipated, unlike a younger person who has a full life ahead of them. The unexpected loss of a young individual may cause profound shock and overwhelming grief that is difficult to process.
Complicated death takes longer to process.
A loss can be complicated and complex, especially when it follows challenging circumstances like suicide or a traumatic event. Working through a complicated death may take an extended period.
I’ve observed that culture is a key factor in how people react to grief. In one culture, people may need to be with close and extended family, whereas in another, they prefer to grieve alone. I’ve learned to give each the space they need. Both ways are okay.
We can’t compare. Each of us has our own personality, culture, and way to mourn. A loss is hard enough to grieve; we can’t complicate it by comparing.
The key is to give yourself grace.
The key is to let yourself grieve in whatever way feels best and most helpful. Give yourself grace. Reach out for help if needed from friends, support groups, or a counselor. Talk through your loss with a trusted person, or write in a journal.
Some individuals journal about their loss. Each person walks their own road, one that is meaningful and promotes healing.
We have a wonderful and comforting promise.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
No matter how deep our grief is, God is there. His presence sustains us.
Grace Offers Hope,
Check out my book; it can be ordered on Amazon or Barnes & Noble
Printed book link on Amazon
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