Spring–March, April, May, and June bring warmer temperatures and special holidays like Easter, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day. Our family celebrates a few birthdays and anniversaries, which makes the months busy. Anticipation before those events and later celebrating occasions gives me so much joy. Seeing family, eating together, laughing make the holiday grand. However, those special times can trigger sadness because a loved one is no longer with us or regret because of a strained relationship. We miss a loved one, and loneliness floods our hearts. We remember what used to be, and sadness floods in. Holidays are not always a Hallmark movie.
Special times can can trigger sadness.
For example, this Father’s Day, I missed my father. I took time to reflect on my dad by telling stories, looking at pictures, and laughing at the funny things he did. My dad and I had an incredibly close relationship. In so many ways, he is my hero. We shared traits of being sensitive, creative, and compassionate, and we also struggled with perfectionism and anxiety. His words of wisdom reverberate in my head when I need to decide.
After his death, the months blurred together; I experienced numbness, had trouble driving, and the tiredness overwhelmed me. I learned grief takes 60% of our energy. After thirteen years, I still miss him. I miss sharing my hopes, dreams, failures, and fears with him. I grieved this Father’s Day without my father at the table or to hug.
Holidays can remind us of our losses.
Some people don’t have a good relationship with their father. Their grief may be a different grief because of abandonment or other things. Perhaps, they experience bemoan or feel let down by missed possibilities. Maybe holidays remind them of other losses and their grief surfaces on those special times. Holidays and birthdays can be challenging.
Special occasions can be challenging when we grieve.
It could be the loss of a spouse, a parent, a child, a dear friend, or a beloved coworker. It could be recent or years ago, but the beast of grief returns without warning. Yes, I called grief a beast, unfriendly, huge, and strong. It seems we are tackled by it, resulting in excruciating heartbreak.
Part of being human and living on earth is that loss is universal. No one gets a pass. With loss comes grief. or a less common word, mourning. We misunderstand how consuming, long-lasting, and frightening the beast of grief can be. Yes, I called grief a beast because it is ugly, strong and unfriendly. Nothing prepares us for the intense and unpredictable emotions that go with it.
Grief is universal.
No on escapes loss.
For instance, something triggers our grief, and we ask, “When will this grieving end? ” A new realization hits us that our grief isn’t over. Sadness engulfs us all over again when least expected. After all, we thought we had worked through our grief, yet thoughts inundate our minds, memories swirl, and all those raw emotions return. Well-meaning friends say, “Get over it.”.
On the contrary, grief doesn’t have a magical finish line but arrives in waves, similar to the ebb and flow of ocean tides. Grief never disappears; however, it can soften with time, and we learn to adjust. For me, I experience better days than others, but on other days, sadness weighs heavily on my heart. The inner turmoil lingers and I can’t shake it.. Anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays can activate a fresh wave of sorrow. Someone says something that makes me want to hide in a hole and cry. I ask myself, “When will it end? “
No magical end to grief.
On the other hand, one of the Beatitudes gives a blessing to those who mourn.
God blesses those people who grieve. They will find comfort! (Matthew 5:4 CEV).
Jesus honored those who grieved and mourned. when he taught the Beatitudes. In Matthew 5, he teaches, “Blessed are those who mourn…” Jesus calls those who mourned blessed. He is not saying, “Get over it”. Instead, he is saying it’s OK to grieve. Those simple words convey permission to grieve, validate our grief, and reassure us that our grief is OK. God blesses, granting divine favor to those of us who carry sorrow.
The Message Translation renders this verse, ” You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.”
We have permission to grieve.
Besides God blessing those who mourn, a promise of comfort follows. The second half of this Beatitude is, “for they will be comforted.” Jesus guaranteed comfort for those who mourn.
Do you think of comfort as a soft pillow or a warm hug? Comfort means consolation, support, encouragement, or being embraced. Comfort also has the idea of someone cheering someone on. I challenge you to picture Jesus cheering you on or think of Jesus embracing you.
Jesus cheers us on.
When we experience isolation due to our loss, we are not alone. The Holy Spirit accompanies us, giving comfort. When we get bombarded with another wave of sadness, God knows.
Consider yourself blessed when you grieve.. Remind yourself of God’s promise to comfort. Ask for comfort, peace, hope, and reassurance. Consolation, support and encouragement will be given out of the wealth of who God is.
In summary, God grants divine favor to those who mourn and promises comfort. . Hold on to this promise when grief inundates you.
Thought for the Day: Imagine Jesus cheering you one and embracing you.
Prayer:
Dear Jesus,
Be our comfort in mourning.
Be our healer in brokenness.
Be our hope in distress.
Be our guiding light in uncertainty.
Be our calm in anxiety.
Be our strength in weakness.
Be our companion in loneliness.
Thank you, Jesus
Amen
Beautiful and well written description of the multifaceted emotions of grief. Thank you for describing my journey as well as that of many others…May you continue to share you gift of expression in writing with others.
Mary, you are such an encouragement to me! Thank you!