A few days after the mass shooting at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, Texas, I volunteered at the Uvalde Memorial Hospital to provide chaplain care to the staff. The shooting on May 24, 2022, left nineteen fourth graders and two teachers dead. Caring for the victims left the hospital staff shocked and grief-stricken.
The day I volunteered, I was the only chaplain present but five counselors volunteered to be available to the staff in addition to me. I found the staff welcoming, kind, and capable, yet still reeling from the event. The conversations and agony surrounding the shooting were inescapable. Stories of loss and trauma seemed to be everywhere I turned-staff, patients and families. Uvalde is a rural community with warm, deep connections; the tragedy affected everyone. The shattered dreams, pain, anguish and grief were beyond words with no explanations and no answers to give solace. Only questions, anger, fear, helplessness, and guilt remained.
Stories of loss and trauma everywhere
“What will I tell my kids? I can’t tell them I can keep them safe,” said one mother of young children who lived in Uvalde. This mother, a hospital nurse, got called from her normal position on a medical floor, to help in the Emergency Room that day unprepared for what she witnessed. Her mind filled with horrific images of a dead boy in the ER covered in blood. She remembers his face looking angelic. As she unfolded what happened that day, she described the screams heard from the parents waiting to find out if their child was alive or not. We talked of the distress and shock those events had on her. Then she shared that two of the victims in the shooting were her extended family. A fourth-grade cousin survived but remained in serious condition in a level III hospital in San Antonio. The other relative, a teacher, did not survive. Disbelief, anguish, trauma, terror surrounded this family. At first, she decided to keep busy and not think about what happened. But distressing nightmares plagued her sleep. At that point, she reached out to me. I sat with her, let her debrief and listened. We talked about making an appointment with a counselor to work through what she experienced. My words seemed inadequate, I let her talk and hugged her.
Grief-stricken
A young nurse witnessed two dead fourth grade boys who came into the OR. These were her first child deaths she ever experienced. Somehow, touching their bodies seemed violating. She could not explain why. This nurse waited alongside these boys’ bodies until the families could identify them. She wondered how God could allow evil to happen. I spent some time listening to this compassionate nurse, prayed with her, hugged her and encouraged her to do self-care.
How could God allow evil?
Another nurse felt guilty because she was off work on the day of the shooting. Maybe she could have helped, she asked herself. We talked of survivor’s guilt, I prayed with her about and gave her literature with Scripture. A staff member had a graduating senior whose graduation ceremony got postponed. The young graduate did not feel like celebrating after the tragedy rocked her world. A mother of teens said that her son was a classmate of the shooter and her daughter worked at a fast-food restaurant with the shooter. The family is trying to process the tragedy.
Few words, lots of hugs and listening
I said few spiritual words because I am not sure spiritual words were needed at the moment, but I felt that being with each one honoring their words and emotions was what was needed.
I thought of Psalm 23, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you are with me.” Many were experiencing being in a cavernous dark valley. My prayer was for each one to know that God was with them.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”
A unit clerk asked how she could help the children she teaches in Children’s Church. They did not want her to talk about the shooting. Instead, she provided a quiet time with soft praise music and low lights for the children to pray; she could hear faint young voices talking to God.
How do you reconcile this? Most health care professionals select health care because of their compassion to give life to their patients. When they cannot fix a broken body, there is conflict or Moral Distress. Counselors and chaplains offer good outlets to process this conflict.
Guilt–that it was not them or their children, survivors’ guilt
Guilt- that they were not there
Guilt -that they did not do more
Trauma of what they saw
Trauma of what their loved ones experienced
Nightmares
Helplessness
Fears of keeping children safe
Debilitating fears of the future
Anger that this happened
Anger that the reporters and investigators do not leave them alone
Anger at the shooter and the police.
One nurse educator whose daughter was a teacher at Robb Elementary complained about the blaming, lots of blaming going around. In anger she said, the shooter is the one to blame. Will the investigators improve the systems that we already are in place? I hope so. However, empathy, grace, love and compassion are what is needed to those affected by this evil.
As I reflect on my encounters with the folks at Uvalde Memorial Hospital, I remain aware that the recovery process will take a long time. As in the tragedy of 9/11, the shooting in Uvalde will forever change us, as a nation and will forever shape this community. Lament both individual and corporate will vibrate through this small town for years to come. I left with a heavy heart and grieved for all those affected. I offered the gift of presence for the one shift I came.
The people of Uvalde show resilience, faith, and connection. They are talking; they are getting help and they will gain strength.
